Let me start off by saying Monday night was fantastic.
Let me continue by saying Tuesday was ecstallent.
Then I'll go on by saying today was lacking.

But interesting.
Last night... I really shouldn't have seen Adam. I picked the wrong day for it. Too much to do. I had to come home and spend almost 2 hour reading Hamlet. that didn't leave time for studying physics so I didn't study. On to the morrow!
Woke up late, go to school fairly early. We took a surprise placement test in stats, which was... as Alex said : "Oh let's take an Algebra II placement test because we're NOT in AP Stats and we HAVEN'T taken AP Calc or Precal. Yes let's!"
I mean. It was more fun than class, but still. Just another example (of a few more I'll get into later) of what I hate about her class. During the twenty minute break, the "drama" -- it really was more of a theatric drama than high school crap -- began to unfold. Alex and Sam were more childish than usual. Or maybe Alex was more of an asshole and Sam was a little more melodramatic. I would hate to live in their house. Sam said something that Alex construed as sarcastic and so Alex threw a book at Sam's head. Completely unwarranted, really. Overreactions galore. So eeeegh **tension**. No one ever likes to be around when Sam and Alex are fighting. Sometimes I think Alex is really the cause of all the angst, because Sam never seems to do anything to him. Alex has just got some insecurity issues that he masks over with pomposity. But that's just theory. Tim chewed Alex out Tim-style, which is disapproving, stern, in-control, and knowing. He told Alex he needed relationship help. Which Alex does. But they skirted the issue and got in an argument about something else rather miniscule, not relevant to the central issue at ALL. I just sat there and read my Hamlet. I've gotten burned enough to know not to bother with Alex. I think the fact that Tim said ANYTHING was rather bracing for Alex though.
Skimming over 2nd and 3rd (Mrs Ferrell really liked my poetry response and is going to send it in with my Duke Rec), let's go to the break where Eric, Tim, I, and co hang out after 3rd till they leave. Five minutes into it, Tim storms off after Eric makes some puns (part of Tim's daily torture). I thought he was joking, so I grabbed his bookbag for him to come back. But he slipped it off and kept walking. Everyone but Eric and I left. We were rather nonplussed. It kind of irked me. So I told Eric to leave Tim's bag there and I went outside looking for him. He was already halfway down the parking lot and I called out and told him I wasn't carrying his bag. he shrugged and kept walking. So Eric and I followed out, and I went to Tim who was stopped at his car. We went back to the CC to get his stuff together. We didn't say a whole lot. I asked him what his issue was. He said he hated life. More than usual. We eventually got into talking. For real, about all the stuff he's always depressed about, mostly not being good enough for other people, good enough for himself. We've never talked about this seriously in person. And I made the comment that he was ungrateful that he wanted more, with people thinking so wonderfully of him as it is.
"That's just it. I don't want what people think of me! It's so hypocritcal! It's not who I am"
"Tim. No one will ever see you as you see you. It's impossible. The Tim I see is a caricature of the real Tim."
"I don't want to be a caricature!"
"you can't help it. You have to try to make the best one you can."
"eh."
We subsided for a moment. And he suddenly said.
"I know that I think that because I'm short I have to be flawless at everything else"
"That's rough"
"I bet it's a complex" [[see how he tries to be funny even when things aren't?]]
"You're right"
And he kept talking. He's making a b in english. I said it's no big deal and he said his parents will get all over him if he does.
(Wow... it was weird and hypocritical for me to take the position I was in this conversation)
"And she criticizes me about every little thing. And I can't take her seriously. I don't mind my dad's criticism because he's the smartest person I know, but with her it's like... I can't take criticism from--"
"from someone you don't respect"
"yeah"
Can you see the similarities yet?
I finally said something like
"I guess you deal with it worse because you have higher standards for yourself than I do"
I hate it when i say things like that. I don't think people realize how often I put myself down, just in small ways, just in half truths, small lies that don't *really* mean anything, except the world. And it hurts me when people agree and believe.
And then i start to believe them myself.
But that's not the point this time.
Tim's not okay. But ... I don't know how to help people.
I have wished so often I did. But that's not one of my talents.
In the end... it still baffles me.
How he can be so angry, so depressed, so hateful towards life as he put it and I am not, when we are both in very similar situations? i mean... basically identical except for the fact that he has two older brothers.
But I am happy.
And he is not.
Tell me how that works, cause I don't understand.